||[Jun. 21st, 2012|03:11 pm]
Hi. I'm Jordan. 26, genderqueer trans guy, on T for 7 years 5 months before stopping, no trans surgeries yet. My first post was here http://stopping-t.livejournal.com/25146.html but I got this new journal to document my experiences with not taking testosterone.|
Anyway. I've been off of testosterone now for 4 months and 11 days. There have been lots of highs and lows for me as I've transitioned off of testosterone (I've talked about them in my journal). I tapered off of it over about 4 weeks because I was on a weekly low dose. I started noticing physical changes really, really soon after I stopped taking it. I also noticed mental/emotional changes fairly quickly.
Changes since stopping testosterone:
Lost muscle mass & weight (around 15 pounds at this point)
I don't feel as strong physically as I did while on T, especially my upper body
Slight change in the appearance of the shape of my face (My jawline kind of "softened".. probably loss of muscle mass or weight loss or something)
Skin texture softened
Scent changed (way less musky, less strong)
Sweating way less
Body fat redistributed to down around my hips/thighs/butt
Facial and body hair growing back much more slowly
Tearing up & crying more easily
Hot flashes more frequent
Libido decreased significantly after probably the second month
Started spotting and then had a period at a little over 2 months, and so far having irregular periods
Increased daytime sleepiness / lack of energy
Significantly decreased body dysphoria except for when I'm PMSing
Way happier with how my body looks and feels to me
Happy in general with not being on testosterone
But! I have horrible PMS, specifically really intense, frequent, bothersome mood swings (awful depression, anxiety, fatigue, grumpiness on and off, with happy/hyper/energetic/content times in between) that are really hard for me to deal with (and I'm used to dealing with this sort of thing because my moods are intense and cyclical, swinging back and forth - but not normally to this degree of extremes at this frequency). The mood swings are really the only down-side to being off of testosterone for me, and I think they're mostly rooted in hormonal cycles & fluctuations, because there hasn't been any other major change over the last 4 months that would explain this. Basically, being off of testosterone seems to be exacerbating my madness so it's even harder for me to deal with. It's not even body dysphoria mostly (I'll have body dysphoria for maybe a bunch of days prior to starting my period or spotting, and then maybe for the first day of spotting/my period, then it goes away), it's just general crappy moods.
I was actually planning on restarting testosterone injections 10 days ago when my period ended, but by then I felt way better mood-wise, I felt like "Well, hey, I feel better now, and I probably won't get my period until next month, so I don't totally need to go back on T yet." But then 10 days later (today) I start bleeding again and get really depressed again, more so than I already was (minor things have bugged me lately, but I wasn't super depressed).
I don't think I'm even depressed about getting my period, because having periods again actually has not been a big deal for me at all because the bleeding has been pretty light and the cramps have been manageable with just Black Cohosh, some exercise, and maybe a heating pad, and I'm not hung up on gendering menstruation as I was pre-T. I just get wicked depressed before and at the beginning of my periods.
Has anyone else experienced mood swings like this after going off of testosterone? Did they stop or ease up at least?
I'm not sure as of right now if I'm going to stay off of T or go back on. I'm gonna talk to my therapist, and maybe a gynecologist or something. I just don't know when, or if, my periods will be regular again like they were pre-T because at least if they're regular, I can prepare for the mood swings better.